010. Master the New York Times crossword puzzle. Across, 3: I’m not much of a wordsmith (6) (Answer: “Fuck it.”)

009. Run a full marathon. Half’s good enough for me, thanks. No need to get greedy. Fuck it.

008. Sail around the world solo. Expensive, dangerous and boring. One can only do so many Sudoku puzzles, you know. Fuck it.

007. Climb Mount Everest. I have trouble breathing out of my nose. Fuck it.

006. Learn to skateboard. Who’s kidding who? I’m 30. That Birdhouse board has long been kick flipped. Fuck it.

005. Own a cat. ‘Ders aliens in ‘dem cute lil’ furry heads. Fuck it.

004. Fix an engine coolant leak, or radiator, or any other type of miscellaneous junk you can find under the hood of a car. I’ll leave that shit to the pros, thanks. Fuck it.

003. Visit England. Don’t care all that much for the Brits. Fuck it.

002. Finish reading David Foster Wallace’s Infinite Jest. I already tried … and failed. That shit is long. Fuck it.

001. Knit a sweater. No thanks, Grandma. Fuck it.